The Blonde Egyptian

I'm going to tell you all a little bedtime story this evening.... Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, lived Santa Clause and his little wife who was not old. Together, they had an adorable little elf prince who had great hearing but only during the months of September and December because those are the only two months a year that the little elf got presents of his own. So all year long Mrs. Clause would think and plan, scheme and plan, work her cookie lovin' butt off to plan the most perfect gifts for Santa, the little elf and her family. Santa's parents lived in Egypt because they hated the cold. So they didn't need presents or even celebrate Christmas. *Gasp* The horror. I know.  Anyway, during the month of December, Mrs. Clause, who could also work for the FBI is on her A game, hiding toys that came from special elves at Headquarters (aka Amazon), planning, preparing and CONSTANTLY SHUSHING SANTA'S big, fat, Ho HO Ho mouth because, I'll let ...

I'd like to start by saying that my intentions for this Christmas letter were to get them printed on nice, red paper and stuffed into beautiful cards that I did in fact buy. But, they've laid on my kitchen "pile everything here until we get to it/M's 1000 piece puzzle" table so long that I'm just going to use them to start my garden for next year, which I'll undoubtedly end up killing off by March anyway due to pure neglect. My intentions were also to write a beautifully well scripted letter showcasing how incredibly blissful our life is and how the many accomplishments we've made this year have made each of us the most grateful, humble and generous humans that God could've ever imagined for us to be. But I think we all know better. I've never been good at sugar coating anything and if you know me at all, you know that 2017 has been The Texas Titan's Grandaddy of a shitshow for us and our motto on the daily is "just make it through....

"A" and I recently had our immigration interview. Of course we passed and he now holds a green card. This allows us to travel but we still aren't sure to what extent. For the weeks leading up to the interview though, it was all about preparation. "How much preparation do you need if you live together?" I was asked this exact question and to answer nicely- I put more into this than I did into prepping for ACT in High School. This was supposed to be a 30 minute grill on the other person. We were going to be separated and our answers compared, so we better know everything. The stories we'd been told by friends who have done this before were crazy. One guy had to take his wedding ring off to make sure there was an indentation. The possible questions are outrageous and ridiculous! I wasn't so much afraid of my diplomatic answers that came out of my mouth. I can do diplomacy there. My face however does not do diplomacy and I am not responsible for the response...

253 days. 753 students. 1,261 classes. 31,525 minutes of my life spent in China. Well, immersed in the Chinese culture anyway. Either way, that's a lot of time and a lot of experience. Obviously with my job and my home life, different cultures and the experiences with them are a gift I've been given. I mean this in the sense that I'm great in understanding them and in that I've been given the opportunity to experience things that others haven't. Most of the experiences I've had have truly been a blessing and I have had the privilege of teaching the sweetest children. They're well behaved and they take their studies seriously. They are the ones who will beat my child out of every intelligence contest brought forth because you know, my kid plays outside with sticks and "hunts" snakes in true Steve Irwin fashion. Chinese children don't intentionally attempt to make their mother's faint in fear and wake up needing a glass of Everclear without...

My child has always been pretty comical but over the last couple weeks, he has had some serious doozies come out of his mouth that have made me belly laugh, scoff at and render me completely speechless. If you know me, I don't have to tell you how big this is. Last year, living in Texas, every day after school was the same "How was your day?" followed by "Well I didn't get in trouble today, so I survived." Since moving back to Kansas, every day I pick him up from school and every day after asking about his day, I get "It was TERRIFIC!!!!" His attitude on life and positivity are such a contagious ray of sunshine. The things he says are starting to be a little more sarcastic, a little more "big kid" and less "childish", and a little more comical in different ways they used to be. So the other night, he gets out of the shower, which by the way, does anyone else's 8 year old boy actually dry off?! It's like a beached wha...

It seems like lately my social media feeds are filled with friends and family posting about their new side gigs, or pushing the ones they've done for a long time. So many of my other friends have noticed this as well and are often bothered by it saying things like "Oh my gosh! Why can't Facebook just be filled with puppies, funny sayings and pictures of people's kids and lives?" Quite frankly, because these side gigs are people's lives. Small businesses are harder ran than showing up to work, punching a clock, doing the job and going home. If the business isn't worked, the owner doesn't eat. Is it hard? YES! Is it worth it? Absolutely. The reality is that people are realizing that they have passions and talents that are outside a brick and mortar building. Parents have realized that by being stuck in gridlock for a certain number of hours each week means that much time away from their families. Stress levels are on the rise from parents trying to ...

I think we can all agree that Essential oils are the best thing that ever happened. But starting out can be a little  lot scary. Which oils are best to use? Where do I put them? How much do I use? Where do I start? What are they for? AHHHHH!!!!!! It's mind boggling! As someone who has used EO's for about 3 years now, I've learned a few life hacks that have made my life both a hellish nightmare (see #1) and also a blissful dream. These are in no way, shape or form meant to cure you of any ailments, diagnose any of your symptoms or judge you on anything you currently do. But they are designed to be a life hack, should you choose to experiment with your current way of doing things and switch over. If it works for you- You're welcome. And if it doesn't? Well then hopefully you'll blame this bad advice on your mother in law and not me. 1. Epsom salt.     I buy this at Costco. Yeah folks, it's that awesome. I enjoy an extremely hot bath at the end of a long day...

Roommates. They start with your parents and siblings, each teaching you about living with other human beings, some with completely different personalities than yourself. Then you move to college and your roommates are either chosen for you or you choose your own and either live the best years of your life or in a complete nightmare with people you dream of stabbing in their sleep. This same scenario continues into marriage. Then if you're lucky enough, you get little people that teach some fun lessons all their own. My roommates in college were all unique and incredible in their teaching styles. Each of them educating me in what would become some of my best life lessons. Let's start with Lindsey. Lindsey was my best friend. She passed away a few years back but she prepared me in 1 year of living with her for living with my Egyptian for the rest of my life. This girl drove a truck. She could change your radiator hose and rotate all 4 tires in less than an hour, by herself. S...

Let me just start out by saying MAD PROPS to all you home-school and single mamas out there. What makes your family work and how you do it is absolutely miraculous to me. You know who you are- surviving on coffee, patience out the ying-yang, possibly a closet alcoholic after the kids go to sleep. Don't worry, you will get no judgement from me. NONE. In fact, I will high five you and possibly even be an enabler to your habit. I have lived the single-mom life not so long ago. I too used to enjoy a glass of wine after my little beast went to sleep. Parent to parent, I will offer a suggestion. A glass of TX Whiskey- Neat- with stainless steel frozen balls instead of ice cubes so as not to dilute that little bit of sanity in a glass.  I say all this because as a parent, there are just some things that are better left to the other parent. One parent might be better at not shrinking all the shirts, one might be better at the art of loading the dishwasher. Maybe one is better at doing ...

So as you may or may not have noticed, I've been on a little bit of a hiatus these past couple weeks. Not because I wanted to be but because this minor detail called life got in the way. When "A" went back to Egypt, assuring me that it would only be a month because well, he's " done this a couple times before ", what started out as a routine chat with the consulate ended in being told that he's had enough education and needed to "just get a job".  A couple problems with this: 1) Egypt is not like America and we as Americans might want to take note here. If two people walk into a job interview and person 1 is Egyptian, homeless, uneducated and looks like Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip because he hasn't bathed in a month; person 2 is well dressed, educated, in a suit and tie, and incredibly well-spoken. Who gets the job? Person 2, OF COURSE! Wrong. Person 1 gets the job. "Dearest Kam, you must be high!" That the thought that ...

For about two years now, I've been in a process that have had so many questions by my friends and family. I have learned so much about the immigration process, I figured I'd just start blogging about it and answer all the questions for everyone! It's also a great creative outlet that helps me keep everyone informed and you all don't feel like I've "fallen off the face of the earth" anymore. Win-Win! Let's start at the beginning, because that's usually where stories start. Through mutual friends that I met living in the same apartment complex, I met a guy, originally from Yemen (props if you've ever heard of that. 10 more points if you know where it's at on a map) but who's family moved to Egypt just short of 10 years ago. The night I met this man, we'll call him "A" for short, he may or may not have been full of liquid courage and I may or may not have been my charming, sarcastic, bad@ss of a self. Ahh! Match.com could...