253 days. 753 students. 1,261 classes. 31,525 minutes of my life spent in China. Well, immersed in the Chinese culture anyway. Either way, that's a lot of time and a lot of experience. Obviously with my job and my home life, different cultures and the experiences with them are a gift I've been given. I mean this in the sense that I'm great in understanding them and in that I've been given the opportunity to experience things that others haven't.
Most of the experiences I've had have truly been a blessing and I have had the privilege of teaching the sweetest children. They're well behaved and they take their studies seriously. They are the ones who will beat my child out of every intelligence contest brought forth because you know, my kid plays outside with sticks and "hunts" snakes in true Steve Irwin fashion. Chinese children don't intentionally attempt to make their mother's faint in fear and wake up needing a glass of Everclear without anything that will potentially water it down. These children have a parent who sits with them to slap the crap out of them if they even think about pulling an acrobatic stunt instead of repeating the sentence "this is a shoe" for the 80th time. Most of these little sweeties are absolutely adorable and are truly what gets my "tired as a mother" butt out of bed every morning at 4 to start teaching at 4:30. But they are NOT what makes me want to write a blog post on Sunday morning while "Mr. I'm always grounded and now confined to the couch for my snake shenanigans yesterday" watches Finding Dory.
No, I want to write because of things like the Grandpa who perches on the side of the bed nodding every 5 minutes like Chief Sitting Bull while I perform a dog and pony show for his grandson make me giggle and also curious. Listen chief, your grandson has headphones on and I know without a shadow of a doubt that you cannot hear me. So, I'm going to assume that you're pretending to know what I'm saying, nodding in agreement and thinking I'm the smartest person alive. Thanks, Chief.
Or the Grandma that hides on the couch and peeks over the back while her two little grandchildren pull each other's hair and elbow each other in the face. "Oh good! Teacher Kameran sees that you've both learned the words "brother and sister". Moving on."
Giggling for days when mom pulls up the class in her negligee, gets little "Mike" going and then hurries off to the bedroom for Dad to peek out just before I say hello and then the door slams again. First off, I love that you think I can't see you when your camera is open but mine is closed. Secondly, do your thing parents. You've got 25 minutes, 27 if I'm feeling particular generous and your kid with the most American name ever isn't a complete pain in the ass.
Thinking that secondly should've been What the crap, Mom? Why are you wearing lingerie in front of little Mike? Oh well friends, nudity is the norm over there. Know how I figured that out? The day that not so hot Dad decided to go parading through the living room sans any clothing at all, take a little time to stand behind his son who is working hard to get ahead in life and then scratch. Poor kid dang near learned the meaning behind "HOLY HELL and WTF" that day. I may have used my 5 minute break to bleach my eyes after that class. And the next day, as I'm teaching another little friend across the pond, the lesson includes items in your house. The question asked is "do you have a bed in your room?" The surprise is two-fold. 1) Little friend here clearly knows more English than he's letting on. 2) He blew his cover by saying "Yeah, I have a bed in my room but my Grandpa is sleeping in it" (moves the iPad to show sleeping Grandpa stark naked in the bed. This is not how Goldilocks goes, friend. Fairytales is in Unit 6. Until then, let's throw a blanket over Grandpa's bare butt, shall we?
I have been taken on boat rides across the lake and taught a quarter of Beijing while doing so; car rides through Shanghai, I've been to sporting events, restaurants and have, on more than one occasion had to say "no, no, no! Leave me out in the hall. I don't need to go to the bathroom with you!"
I have watched parents help their children pee in a bucket because God forbid we miss any part of this riveting 25 minute lesson on technology of the past. I have, on several occasions, wondered how parents can let their children choose names like "Poop, Rainbow, Skywalker, Meow meow, or Ball". The consideration for the teacher having to say "Good job, Poop!" never crossed your mind, Mom? Well then take a seat because clearly you need to learn English along with your child.
People ask me all the time about what the culture is. Honestly, it's the same as it is in America- different in every household. Sometimes, both sets of grandparents live with the student. Sometimes, parents truly care about their children's education and sometimes it's a 25 minute babysitter for parents to have a little play time of their own. Sometimes, Mom is dressed to the nines and the staircase looks like something designed by the interior decorators of the Emperor's Palace and others, Grandpa decided not to wear pants that day and thinks the webcam is programmed to block out unsightly visuals. See? Same as America.
There are a lot of similarities and differences and it's so fun to have the kids ask me so many questions about American culture. Lots of questions about Trump, lots about guns as they're not quite as privileged with the second amendment as we are. They want to know about holidays like Halloween and Thanksgiving. They always want to know how many kids I have and if I will have more since they are limited on the number they can have. Seeing the progress they make is rewarding, just as it was when I was in the American classrooms. But the experiences are so much more...insightful. And this way, I don't have to shower before class or wear makeup.
It is the perfect job, one that is different with every child, every class and a literal grab some coffee, put your hair in a bun and handle it situation.
Most of the experiences I've had have truly been a blessing and I have had the privilege of teaching the sweetest children. They're well behaved and they take their studies seriously. They are the ones who will beat my child out of every intelligence contest brought forth because you know, my kid plays outside with sticks and "hunts" snakes in true Steve Irwin fashion. Chinese children don't intentionally attempt to make their mother's faint in fear and wake up needing a glass of Everclear without anything that will potentially water it down. These children have a parent who sits with them to slap the crap out of them if they even think about pulling an acrobatic stunt instead of repeating the sentence "this is a shoe" for the 80th time. Most of these little sweeties are absolutely adorable and are truly what gets my "tired as a mother" butt out of bed every morning at 4 to start teaching at 4:30. But they are NOT what makes me want to write a blog post on Sunday morning while "Mr. I'm always grounded and now confined to the couch for my snake shenanigans yesterday" watches Finding Dory.
No, I want to write because of things like the Grandpa who perches on the side of the bed nodding every 5 minutes like Chief Sitting Bull while I perform a dog and pony show for his grandson make me giggle and also curious. Listen chief, your grandson has headphones on and I know without a shadow of a doubt that you cannot hear me. So, I'm going to assume that you're pretending to know what I'm saying, nodding in agreement and thinking I'm the smartest person alive. Thanks, Chief.
Or the Grandma that hides on the couch and peeks over the back while her two little grandchildren pull each other's hair and elbow each other in the face. "Oh good! Teacher Kameran sees that you've both learned the words "brother and sister". Moving on."
Giggling for days when mom pulls up the class in her negligee, gets little "Mike" going and then hurries off to the bedroom for Dad to peek out just before I say hello and then the door slams again. First off, I love that you think I can't see you when your camera is open but mine is closed. Secondly, do your thing parents. You've got 25 minutes, 27 if I'm feeling particular generous and your kid with the most American name ever isn't a complete pain in the ass.
Thinking that secondly should've been What the crap, Mom? Why are you wearing lingerie in front of little Mike? Oh well friends, nudity is the norm over there. Know how I figured that out? The day that not so hot Dad decided to go parading through the living room sans any clothing at all, take a little time to stand behind his son who is working hard to get ahead in life and then scratch. Poor kid dang near learned the meaning behind "HOLY HELL and WTF" that day. I may have used my 5 minute break to bleach my eyes after that class. And the next day, as I'm teaching another little friend across the pond, the lesson includes items in your house. The question asked is "do you have a bed in your room?" The surprise is two-fold. 1) Little friend here clearly knows more English than he's letting on. 2) He blew his cover by saying "Yeah, I have a bed in my room but my Grandpa is sleeping in it" (moves the iPad to show sleeping Grandpa stark naked in the bed. This is not how Goldilocks goes, friend. Fairytales is in Unit 6. Until then, let's throw a blanket over Grandpa's bare butt, shall we?
I have been taken on boat rides across the lake and taught a quarter of Beijing while doing so; car rides through Shanghai, I've been to sporting events, restaurants and have, on more than one occasion had to say "no, no, no! Leave me out in the hall. I don't need to go to the bathroom with you!"
I have watched parents help their children pee in a bucket because God forbid we miss any part of this riveting 25 minute lesson on technology of the past. I have, on several occasions, wondered how parents can let their children choose names like "Poop, Rainbow, Skywalker, Meow meow, or Ball". The consideration for the teacher having to say "Good job, Poop!" never crossed your mind, Mom? Well then take a seat because clearly you need to learn English along with your child.
People ask me all the time about what the culture is. Honestly, it's the same as it is in America- different in every household. Sometimes, both sets of grandparents live with the student. Sometimes, parents truly care about their children's education and sometimes it's a 25 minute babysitter for parents to have a little play time of their own. Sometimes, Mom is dressed to the nines and the staircase looks like something designed by the interior decorators of the Emperor's Palace and others, Grandpa decided not to wear pants that day and thinks the webcam is programmed to block out unsightly visuals. See? Same as America.
There are a lot of similarities and differences and it's so fun to have the kids ask me so many questions about American culture. Lots of questions about Trump, lots about guns as they're not quite as privileged with the second amendment as we are. They want to know about holidays like Halloween and Thanksgiving. They always want to know how many kids I have and if I will have more since they are limited on the number they can have. Seeing the progress they make is rewarding, just as it was when I was in the American classrooms. But the experiences are so much more...insightful. And this way, I don't have to shower before class or wear makeup.
It is the perfect job, one that is different with every child, every class and a literal grab some coffee, put your hair in a bun and handle it situation.
Comments
Post a Comment