The Blonde Egyptian

Well we made it. We survived the school year, the holidays, the days that were a bit like the song that never ends called January through March. And now, it's SUMMER! It's the time we all live for, right? Sadly, we're only about 8 days in but I'm already on a rant. I have had a kid beating on my front door so many times that I finally answered it saying "Buddy, are you bored? Do you have NOTHING to do? And where is your mother? I need to meet her." Poor child looked like a deer in the headlights.  I mean, c'mon lady! It's not even 9:30 in the morning yet. I get it. You looked forward to your kids not having to go to school but you weren't completely prepared for them to be home ALL. DANG. DAY. Now, they're bored. They're needy. They're eating like a billion snacks a day and you've heard "MOM!" so many times, you're fantasizing about beach towels, ocean waves and mai tais and it's only 9 AM; totally get it. But t...

The boy has been asking for "different fruit" in his lunch box for weeks. "All the other kids" get the fun little squeeze packs of applesauce in their lunchbox and he gets cutie oranges or bananas. His life is so hard and he's incredibly mistreated y'all. The bananas end up as more of a mush finger painting from him having elephants sit on his backpack or maybe using said backpack as a shield in sumo wrestling before the bell? I'm not really sure what this child does after he leaves the car in the morning and walks into that school. All I know is that the stories that play out in my head answering "What the Christmas happened here?!" simply by looking at his lunchbox are incredible. So in an attempt to say "yes" more this year, I figured I'd make fun mixtures of applesauce. Surprisingly, out of 1 bag of organic apples I got at Aldi for $5- I made a lot and it only took me about 30 minutes of time to make it! First, I peeled al...

I'm going to tell you all a little bedtime story this evening.... Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, lived Santa Clause and his little wife who was not old. Together, they had an adorable little elf prince who had great hearing but only during the months of September and December because those are the only two months a year that the little elf got presents of his own. So all year long Mrs. Clause would think and plan, scheme and plan, work her cookie lovin' butt off to plan the most perfect gifts for Santa, the little elf and her family. Santa's parents lived in Egypt because they hated the cold. So they didn't need presents or even celebrate Christmas. *Gasp* The horror. I know.  Anyway, during the month of December, Mrs. Clause, who could also work for the FBI is on her A game, hiding toys that came from special elves at Headquarters (aka Amazon), planning, preparing and CONSTANTLY SHUSHING SANTA'S big, fat, Ho HO Ho mouth because, I'll let ...

I'd like to start by saying that my intentions for this Christmas letter were to get them printed on nice, red paper and stuffed into beautiful cards that I did in fact buy. But, they've laid on my kitchen "pile everything here until we get to it/M's 1000 piece puzzle" table so long that I'm just going to use them to start my garden for next year, which I'll undoubtedly end up killing off by March anyway due to pure neglect. My intentions were also to write a beautifully well scripted letter showcasing how incredibly blissful our life is and how the many accomplishments we've made this year have made each of us the most grateful, humble and generous humans that God could've ever imagined for us to be. But I think we all know better. I've never been good at sugar coating anything and if you know me at all, you know that 2017 has been The Texas Titan's Grandaddy of a shitshow for us and our motto on the daily is "just make it through....

"A" and I recently had our immigration interview. Of course we passed and he now holds a green card. This allows us to travel but we still aren't sure to what extent. For the weeks leading up to the interview though, it was all about preparation. "How much preparation do you need if you live together?" I was asked this exact question and to answer nicely- I put more into this than I did into prepping for ACT in High School. This was supposed to be a 30 minute grill on the other person. We were going to be separated and our answers compared, so we better know everything. The stories we'd been told by friends who have done this before were crazy. One guy had to take his wedding ring off to make sure there was an indentation. The possible questions are outrageous and ridiculous! I wasn't so much afraid of my diplomatic answers that came out of my mouth. I can do diplomacy there. My face however does not do diplomacy and I am not responsible for the response...

253 days. 753 students. 1,261 classes. 31,525 minutes of my life spent in China. Well, immersed in the Chinese culture anyway. Either way, that's a lot of time and a lot of experience. Obviously with my job and my home life, different cultures and the experiences with them are a gift I've been given. I mean this in the sense that I'm great in understanding them and in that I've been given the opportunity to experience things that others haven't. Most of the experiences I've had have truly been a blessing and I have had the privilege of teaching the sweetest children. They're well behaved and they take their studies seriously. They are the ones who will beat my child out of every intelligence contest brought forth because you know, my kid plays outside with sticks and "hunts" snakes in true Steve Irwin fashion. Chinese children don't intentionally attempt to make their mother's faint in fear and wake up needing a glass of Everclear without...

My child has always been pretty comical but over the last couple weeks, he has had some serious doozies come out of his mouth that have made me belly laugh, scoff at and render me completely speechless. If you know me, I don't have to tell you how big this is. Last year, living in Texas, every day after school was the same "How was your day?" followed by "Well I didn't get in trouble today, so I survived." Since moving back to Kansas, every day I pick him up from school and every day after asking about his day, I get "It was TERRIFIC!!!!" His attitude on life and positivity are such a contagious ray of sunshine. The things he says are starting to be a little more sarcastic, a little more "big kid" and less "childish", and a little more comical in different ways they used to be. So the other night, he gets out of the shower, which by the way, does anyone else's 8 year old boy actually dry off?! It's like a beached wha...