Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, lived Santa Clause and his little wife who was not old. Together, they had an adorable little elf prince who had great hearing but only during the months of September and December because those are the only two months a year that the little elf got presents of his own. So all year long Mrs. Clause would think and plan, scheme and plan, work her cookie lovin' butt off to plan the most perfect gifts for Santa, the little elf and her family. Santa's parents lived in Egypt because they hated the cold. So they didn't need presents or even celebrate Christmas. *Gasp* The horror. I know.
Anyway, during the month of December, Mrs. Clause, who could also work for the FBI is on her A game, hiding toys that came from special elves at Headquarters (aka Amazon), planning, preparing and CONSTANTLY SHUSHING SANTA'S big, fat, Ho HO Ho mouth because, I'll let you in on a little secret, Santa doesn't know the freaking rules of the Christmas game. Also, Santa is a man with selective hearing, so as Mrs. Clause is constantly telling Santa these rules, he's only hearing about 1/3 of them. So much excitement in Santa's sweet little heart. This, kids, is how he became Santa to begin with! He loved the magic of Christmas so much that he wanted to join in on the fun and spread the Christmas cheer himself!
As Christmas grew closer and closer, Santa decided to fly down to Texas to get his sleigh tuned up to be all ready for the big night. But he kept calling Mrs. Clause on Facetime. Now normally, this wouldn't be a problem but again with that big. fat. mouth. SO for about the 487th time in a week, Santa started talking about what the elves at HQ were making the little elf prince and all 487 times, Mrs. Clause is shushing his mouth and trying as much as her impatiently sweet heart will let her, to teach Santa the art of talking in code. I'm sorry to tell you this little children of the world, but Santa's kind of a dummy when it comes to picking up on such lessons. God Bless his Heart. And I mean that in the most Texan way possible. And so it goes that one time, as Mrs. Clause is all but hanging up on Santa in the most rude way possible, and distorting her cute little face into the most obvious of "Shut the heck up!" faces, oblivious Santa keeps on Ho Ho Hoing on about the elves at HQ and here comes the little elf prince shouting "I KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS!"
Now, luckily, Mrs. Clause is quick on her feet and SUPER smart! So, she averts the crisis by telling the little elf prince that what he THINKS he's getting for Christmas is indeed, no longer an option because as Mrs. Clause is at that very moment, on her laptop doing other work, she's looked this option up. Unfortunately, the cost to make that little toy is just too much for the company to handle and also, it's not an option because the little elf prince might not be responsible enough to handle it, so he has to prove himself first. See what she did there? Always a place to insert a life lesson or two for the little prince.
Unfortunately for Santa, Mrs. Clause gave him the reins to the sleigh, a bucket of oats to feed the reindeer, his very empty big red bag and told him he was fired until Christmas Eve.
The End.
To this day, Mrs. Clause and all of her friends around the world have an understanding that they would handle the ideas and gifts for all the little princes and princesses of the individual households and families. It's a massive pain in these lovely ladies' cookie lovin' butts. But, very much worth it on Christmas morning to see her family light up with magic and happiness in their eyes. You see, it's not Santa himself but Mrs. Clause who keeps the magic of Christmas alive and all the children believing that Santa is the most magical and amazing man in the world! Santa's heart is in the right place but Mrs. Clause's mouth stays shut. And that my friends is why, when you open a gift and it says "From Mom and Dad"- Dad has absolutely no idea what's in it. It's just better this way.
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